I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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