Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
