we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize