Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
