So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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