I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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