went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
