I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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