I just cut my nipple shaving
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
