It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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