Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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