I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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