So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
