Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
