D3 body, D1 cock
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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