I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
