And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
