So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
