Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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