just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize