remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
