I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
