i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
