I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
