Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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