after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
