I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
