chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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