OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
