Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize