Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
