Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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