Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
