Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
