You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
