I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
