He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
