he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We need to get me chipped asap
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
