I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
