i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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