she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
