I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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