Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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