Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
