wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
