Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
