I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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