walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize