I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
