Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
