i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
