We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
