i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
