Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize