I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
