my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am full of burrito and curiosity
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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