i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
