ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
