From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
