why do cheetos always look like penises
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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