Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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