I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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