just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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