Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
