tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
