Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(337): View more from Louisiana

They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.

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(310): View more from California

Even water is tasting like jack daniels

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(443): View more from Maryland

He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.

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(519): View more from Ontario

someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF

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(628): View more from California

That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.

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(217): View more from Illinois

There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?

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(913): View more from Kansas

Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.

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