Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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