I never want to see another naked old woman again.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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