And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
