my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize