...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
