With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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