apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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