woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
