can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
