theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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