the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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