Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
