I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
