I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
