I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i love accidental penises.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
