I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
