you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize