I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize