I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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