i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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