so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
two words: eviction party
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
