so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
