At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
