the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
