i would punch a child for taco bell
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
